You really coming over, don't trick.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
