I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
