my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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