My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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