You can't special order awesome
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just had sex on a roof
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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