In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
