Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
