I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
