Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
