Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
