Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
