well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
