You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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