After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
