That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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