Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
