And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize