16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
