glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
