Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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