Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
