your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Randomize
