xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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