we're blogging at a bar
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
