Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
