remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what day is it and did you see me today?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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