Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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