So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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