It's like God shit irony all over that family
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
