nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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