wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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