With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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