what if every blade of grass was a penis?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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