How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
