yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
