Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
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I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am