dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
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SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.