Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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