i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
