i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
