I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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