i just wanna soil my oats bro
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
