there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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