My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
