My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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