okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
