I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
