i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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