just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
