Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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