It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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