My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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