There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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