I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
