and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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