you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
