dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
