literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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