so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
