He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We are all done wearing pants today
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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