he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
