doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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