I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
