I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
